Practices for Joy
Practices for Joy
A recent reading described the ‘Path of Joy’ to be one of the ways to God, or oneness. It compared this to some other paths to God such as religion, suffering or service. In the case of some of these more devotional paths, there is a clear and known set of rituals or practices to observe like prayer, fasting, studying a holy text or worshipping in a particular way. These practices become the steps and markers of the path and help the followers to navigate it. If you choose to experience oneness through the route of joy then many of those traditional rituals lose their meaning and appeal, in fact the very notion of a Path (which implies somewhere to get to) may not sit true anymore. So what are the practices or habits to cultivate if you choose Joy as your way of being?
The Practice of Self-Awareness (on the level of personality and beyond)
‘Above all, know thyself’ – Oracle at Delphi
Interest in activities, books, teachers and other promoters of
self-awareness is at an all-time high. You need only look at the number
and popularity of workshops, therapies and materials that in some way
promise to help you get to know yourself to see that self-awareness as a
value has become rather common.
On one level, developing self-awareness can mean recognising your
emotional patterns, coming to terms with your past, identifying your
fears and desires, integrating painful experiences, healing your inner
child, recognising your gifts or strengths, forgiving your resentments
and being able to see what is truly motivating you in any moment.
Modalities such as regression and family constellating also belong to
this sphere of self awareness.
It is vital (in the sense of being both critical and good for your
well-being) to know about yourself on this level and any therapy or book
or friend that reveals more of you to you is invaluable.
Yet, this is not where self-awareness ends. The work described above is
all still done in the realm of personality. Psychology, and other
related fields, has given us wonderful insights into personality, and
how to identify, grow and even treat it. But personality is but one
layer of the Self and, even if typically people presume that it is all
they are, any truthful and committed enquiry will show that there is
something else beyond the personality. How do we know? Because with
observation and stillness you can learn to watch your personality and if
that is possible, who is it that is doing the observing?
I won’t hazard an existential guess at the name of that part of self
that observes (some call it consciousness, others the soul) but
practicing awareness, better yet practicing experience, of that part of
you is essential to staying on the Path of Joy.
While getting to know your personality usually involves activity, or
effort, of some sort, getting to know a deeper layer of self involves
non-activity, such as the silence mentioned below but also, simply, the
act of listening and observing yourself. Make some space between you and
your responses, your choices, your habits and your language. Step aside
for just a second to look and listen to your words, your breathing, your
body, your actions. The more you train yourself to observe your
personality, the more you can distance yourself from your habits and
your pain and the more you begin to see that your personality, while a
useful and loved element of you, is not who you are. The joy that this
recognition, this gap, brings is beyond understanding (and is, by the
way, the only true antidote to stress).
The Practice of Silence
‘What is this life if full of care? We have no time to be still and
stare’ WB Yeats
Most of us have heard about, or personally experienced, the power of
stillness or meditation. Yet it remains an inconsistent practice at
best, or a non-existent one at worst because it seems to be truly
difficult to integrate silence into modern-day life. We have grown
accustomed to high, even perpetual, amounts of noise and activity around
us. That seems to be endemic of a modern, successful life. Yet so many
of our answers, our peace, our purpose, can only be allowed from the
practice of silence. Try this practical system for integrating silence
into your life the same way you have integrated brushing your teeth or
putting on your seatbelt.
The first prerequisite for this practice is that you are not interrupted
by anything, so it’s been suggested in the readings to do it in the
bathroom, where it is quite socially acceptable to be on your own and
uninterrupted for a few minutes even if you’re at work.
The second prerequisite is that you have no agenda for your silence.
That means you’re not trying to empty your mind, you’re not trying to
get a message, you’re not trying to de-stress or even meditate. You are
simply quiet and soft. Just gently looking and listening until even
those activities melt away. The moment you have an agenda, or begin
trying to do or be anything, there is pressure on your system and you
contract instead of what we’re after here, which is expansion.
This is an easy, un-intimidating way to do it:
Week One: 2 minutes of silence once a day (Set an alarm and
do not do any more than 2 minutes)
Week Two: 4 minutes of silence twice a day
Week Three: 5 minutes of silence twice a day
It is easy to do this and so delicious that after three weeks you will be dying (so to speak) to have more and more. But start off by only doing these amounts above so that you are not put off by an unattainable, unsustainable practice.
The Practice of Honest and Lighthearted Sharing
‘A problem shared is a problem halved’ Unknown, English idiom
One of the observations I make time and time again in my Growth Clubs is
how much lighter people are when they leave a session than when they
arrive, even though very often we are working with difficult issues and
demanding truths in sessions. Just the act of sharing what is going on
with you at a particular moment seems to dissolve most of the fear or
sadness or worry around it. I’ve seen clients laugh uproariously as they
talk about their bankruptcy or their fear of being single for the rest
of their lives, because when you tell someone you are, once again,
making some space between you and the issue and it is usually within
that space that you can see the solution or let something go.
There are two little tricks though: (1) the sharing must be deeply
honest and (2) there must be some humour or laughter involved. Merely
moaning about your circumstances (which is nearly always blatant or
implicit blaming) with someone who will say ‘shame, shame’ or just
support your blaming does not count as honest and lighthearted sharing.
If you can’t think of any people with whom you can talk about yourself
and your life in a raw, but light way there are plenty of groups to
join, both virtual and not, which are designed to create that sort of
space.
As I look at my life through this lens, I realise with amazement and
gratitude that these three practices have become my life, they are no
longer my ‘to do list’.
If you’re committed enough to Joy it will be so for you too.
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