Angela Deutschmann

Experience Truth

Seattling Down to Human Life

Seattle Coffee Shop is high on my list of desirable urban experiences. I love (and take full advantage of) its intimate relationship with Exclusive Books, the perverse thrill of paying a ridiculous price for a substance that has zero nutritional value and, of course, the welcoming smell of that fresh brew, bru. But most of all I love the sheer pleasure of choice presented to a Seattle patron. Will you have it wet or dry, wild or tame, to go or to stay? They've made the experience of having a coffee (almost) as tantalising as sex - and you get to do it in public. My kind of shop.

Last time I stood facing the menu, admittedly somewhat overwhelmed by the choice, I thought about that sacred (but surely also funny) moment of choosing for ourselves a life. I imagined myself standing in front of a Council of Elders (in my mind they're women) and saying 'Uh, just gimme a few more minutes, ok I think I'll take a tall, wild, skinny, black one. Make it with wings, and hey don't forget to stamp my card, only two more to go to a freebee.

Except that, unfortunately, I didn't quite ask for that. My order was obviously more along the lines of short, harmless and white, with extra cream. What's the fun in that, I sometimes wonder, disgruntled, as I'm sure many of us do. 'Why did I choose Pofadder / acne / cancer / a Jewish mother-in-law? Can I send this order back?’

Accepting our choices - all of them - is a difficult, profound and liberating attitude to cultivate. The first step towards it is to acknowledge that any given situation, relationship, or outlook does not have an external source but is indeed of our own choice and creation. No slack bartender (or God or anyone else) can be blamed for an incorrect order: our illness, culture, bankruptcy, depression, family, appearance, even abusive relationship has been carefully woven by our own soul to facilitate its divine growth. That is an explosive statement to make and can, understandably, be deeply offensive.

How can anyone say that you chose to be raped, that street children chose their lives of neglect and suffering, that developing countries chose to be ravaged, that you invited the torture of watching your wife and children gunned down? It is also a belief that is easily exploited, for example: 'you created this disease, now just get over it', 'our souls chose each other; I'm hitting you cause you need it', 'you gave yourself AIDS, I'm not spending my money looking after you', 'they chose to be poor, there's nothing we can do about it'.

It is when we think with the fear and arrogance (same thing) of our egos that this divinely co-ordinated mechanism of free will is exploited, criticised or misunderstood. When we allow our higher selves to govern our approach to life, its choices and its seemingly random events, the notion that everything around us is our own creation engenders true responsibility and ultimate freedom.


If no one or nothing else can be blamed or credited with what happens to us, the realisation that we have the power to understand, love and - if we wish - to transform our own lives dawns on us. Why did my soul choose this experience? What do I want to learn or cultivate or experience from this? How can this deepen my joy, my gratitude, my wisdom?

This is neither to deny emotions such as anger, pain or disappointment nor to take a perverse pleasure in suffering in order to 'learn'. Unpleasant emotions are there to be fully felt as part of the richness of human experience and also to lead us in another direction. But it is when we know our soul's part in calling those emotions into our realm of experience that we can balance pain with acceptance and, ultimately, discover the love-purpose behind every thought, event or relationship.

Six days ago, family friends of mine lost both their teenage children in a horrendous car accident. Expressing to these two grieving parents that the whole event was carefully and wisely planned by the souls of all concerned was not the best choice of action. Compassion gently suggested - as she will if we would like to hear her - that the only appropriate response was to bathe them in love, through both my actions and thoughts. The time for teaching and learning is specific and deeply personalised for the persons concerned. Teaching is never more important than loving.

The choices of a human being are sacred, whatever their consequences. Next time you find yourself walking past a Seattle coffee shop, take a moment to appreciate and marvel at the, perhaps uniquely human, phenomenon of ultimate free will. May you then see the wise beauty of your own life's choices.

November 2002


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