Two Paths and a Paradox
April 2010
One of the readings that touched me most this month was done for someone who is a healer and writer as well as the partner of an experienced transformation teacher. For decades this strong and highly aware woman has been nurturing her own growth and the growth of many others. As often happens, her reading jumped right over her circumstantial challenges and straight into the heart of the matter: in this case, the two paths of growth, or self-actualisation.
Most of us reading this are aware of and engaged in the first path: The Path of Self- Work
This path can be full of therapy, self-help books, transformation workshops, life coaches, personal trainers, journaling, storytelling, medication, inner child healing, sharing conversations, dream analysis, card readings, personality tests, support groups, inspirational information and many other self-work tools.
The characteristics of this path are:
• It is cognitive or mind-based (awareness and logic are tools)
• Therefore it is relatively controlled – there is a desired outcome and
a process by which to get there
• It is aspirational (i.e. there is somewhere better you are trying to
get to or something you are trying to reach: awareness, closure,
healing, release etc)
• It utilises information, techniques or teachers outside of you
Most of us can attest to the value of self-work, especially if we compare who we were ten years ago and the higher levels of joy, peace and self-awareness that we enjoy today. There is no doubt that workshops, books, teachers and processes have contributed significantly to my journey. I can hardly imagine who I would have been without them and, of course, it’s the very stuff of my daily work. Yet this reading reminded me that the Path of Self-Work is just one of the ways into peace, wholeness and a deep experience of truth.
The other path is The Path of Grace.
Grace is difficult to describe precisely because its meaning lies
somewhat outside of the logical and linear realm. We don’t know exactly
what grace is, and we certainly can’t list the ten steps to get there,
but we do all know what grace feels like. In biblical terms it is the
‘peace that transcends all understanding’. Grace is the stillness, the
softness, the elegance of being that we sometimes experience in the
midst of menial, everyday life or even in the midst of chaos or broken-ness.
Grace does not require things, or us, to be healed. It transcends the
imperfections we would see in ourselves and the moment and opens up the
world beyond duality and separation. Grace is not the path to
perfection; it is the path beyond perfection.
When we sit still enough to ‘drop’ into the bliss of silence, or get
moved to tears by a blade of grass or a wave of gratitude, when we do
nothing because there’s nothing to be done and know in the depths of our
heart that everything here is perfect and that already we’re complete,
that is grace. The characteristics of this path are:
• It is beyond the mind – logic, structure and knowing are of no value
• There is no defined or even desired outcome and no clear way to get
there
• There are no aspirations because there is already completion, no lack
• It will not utilise anything at all that is outside of you (including
teachers)
This reading made it clear that BOTH these paths have a place on our
journey. Trying to grow through self-work only will become exhausting
and disillusioning and at some stage you will subconsciously have to
sabotage your relationship with any teacher to whom you have been giving
the power to heal you. You’ll run out of steam, get tired of trying to
fix yourself and resent anyone who has been part of that approach.
If this sounds like you, it’s time to balance your self-work with what I
call ‘space for grace’. You can’t go out and ‘do’ anything to ‘get’
grace. You can’t turn it into homework, buy a book or try really hard
because grace requires un-knowing, softness and surrender. But you can
make space for grace by devoting time to silence, or pottering, or
nature, or joyful activities like painting, cooking or gardening as long
as you have no required outcome (not even personal growth or direction).
This path has no teachers, remember, so it will be uniquely yours and
you will have to explore and trust as you go along.
Grace sounds so yummy that it is tempting to try and exist only in a
world where everything is perfect and should be unconditionally accepted
because ‘that’s the way it’s meant to be’. I’ve seen this approach turn
into denial many times and become the reason why people stay with
abusive partners or bosses and refuse to tackle lacklustre relationships
or their own addictions, prejudices and emotional habits.
As always, the trick to mastering human life is to sit in the middle of
the paradox. To hold both approaches as true: there are things I can
learn and un-learn in my journey to uncovering my wholeness AND I am
already complete as I am and neither I nor the world needs fixing. Those
of you who have played The Transformation Game may have noticed these
two paths woven into the structure of the game: to move onto the next
level you need either to gather sufficient awareness and give enough
service, or, you just need some angels…
If you can devote space and time to both those paths, depending on
what the moment allows, you will find yourself balanced and at rest.
Personally, I find that joy is the best navigational tool with which to
do so – if you follow your joy you will naturally move between working
on yourself and sitting in your own perfection simply because neither of
them will feel good after too long of being there.
Thank you to the gorgeous woman who helped me see this.
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